Does it hurt?

Shit yes. What did you expect? A massage?

What should I wear?

Nothing preferably. (Eh lads).

How many treatments will it take to get me better?

Fucking stupid question that. No fucking idea.
Silly tit.

Is osteopathy safe?

Oh good question! No idea. No real experience of it.
I would guess that it's no more dangerous than say..... a car?

Can I claim on my medical insurance?

I DON'T BLOODY KNOW! Ask them yourself? Want me to wipe your arse and dress you too?

Do I need to see my doctor first?

Are you ill?

How much does treatment cost?

Forget it. I am no longer trading. Sick of it.